As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? It was PRIVATE. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? They want their patients to see 20:20! We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Only one. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Airmens mess, sir.. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. They throw out a pistol. But yours is.. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. USA: Choppers Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. A Recruiter Misled You. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. SUB sandwiches! It helps to keep the pilot cool. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. USMC: OHH! Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. What do hungry Marines eat? The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. They know how to take up space. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Individual use is by implied consent. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Caller: OK. 38. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! MARCH! The two lads objected strongly. Eat up! Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. (Hang up. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 military aviation humour - Pilotfriend I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. As A.J. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 1. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Auld Lang Slice You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. A friend paid my mother a visit. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. 17. Marine: Wait, stop. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. USN: Helos We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Rodrigues? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Even his son turned up. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! I was very nervous, she said. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Of course, he responded. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Speed is life. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. 39. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. You can see why: Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. He then made his way to my side. This happened several times times throughout the flight. What are you doing? I asked. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Takeoffs are optional. What would As A.J. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. A military captain saying I was just thinking Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). 40. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends 15. He thought he would be home about 13:30. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Its not weak, he replied. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. What happened Sergeant? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. I was the cook.. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. More information More like this My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. We recommend our users to update the browser. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Thanks.. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. An airplane! You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. ! [Answered]. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Soldier: Sure, buddy. How old are you? a tenant asked. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Then one day I couldnt find it. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. What does ARMY mean to you? 3. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. How tough? You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. 27. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman.